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The"S "Files

I knew something was up besides that strange way I have been lovingly gazing at boots and pumpkin spice lattes lately. All the over the top Hallmark loving holidays are almost here and my apartment has the sudden appeal of the Nordstrom’s shoe department-that’s a good thing for all of you curious non-females. Yeah, it’s almost winter which equals lots of bonding time with my couch, which equals unnecessary thinking, which is never really a good thing. 2009 is almost here and with it I find myself in pretty much the same situation (give or take a few things) that I was in when I graduated college almost three years ago. Stagnant Job (Check) Stagnant love life (Check) Ambition to do something greater than sit and peer in everyone else’s seemingly upward mobile life on Facebook all day (Eh, occasionally) Yes, I know, this sounds whiny and obnoxious and of course, I am grateful to have something to semi entertain me between the hours of 9-5 in this sinking ship of an economy but it’s not enough. I want my dignity back, or at least some kind of purpose. I’m not sure that licking envelopes all day is going to give it, but at least I am having the thoughts, which are encouraging!

Is it sad that I was more excited for my college homecoming than possibly anything else that has occurred in my life during the last few months? I was literally driving 6+ hours to see my friends whom I adore but see almost every weekend, and every other hour or so run into that random acquaintance who you really do get along with but never find time to see. Or that reaaaally annoying faux friend, the one that still sends you Xmas cards and birthday invites, but you can’t seem to remember this friendship ever actually occurring. Oh, and my personal favorite-those encounters (all the ex’s etc) who are left better off in the dust. What exactly would be so special about standing in my old stomping grounds, very much removed from the academic scene, with people I normally spend time with? Maybe it would feel as if we enclosed in a museum- esque glass display case, standing in time for that one weekend? My friends tease me that I never got over college, and the truth is part of me really hasn’t. Besides missing the days of $2 beers and no rent, I genuinely miss the happiness that resulted from at least feeling that your goals were attainable and you were going to make something out of your life. Who knows, it’s almost a new year and if bonding with my couch for the moment enables me to have this maelstrom of negative thoughts, who knows what it could do for my big question mark of a future.